Old Maid
by Zabbie Q
Summary: While Cure Beauty plays Old Maid against Majorina in the witch's evil amusement park, the two have a conversation


"You old hag! You were supposed to give _me_ the win!" Wolfrun barked at Majorina. He shook a furry fist at her, baring his pointed teeth in an animalistic snarl.

Majorina rounded on him, jabbing her scrawny finger at his black nose. "Then _you_ should've made my portrait look good instead of trying to be funny!" she scolded him. "I wouldn't use that painting for firewood, you fleabag!"

"Well, it's a great likeness!" Wolfrun threw back, jumping to his feet and stalking after his miniature cohort.

Reika covered her mouth to suppress the giggle that burst from her lips. Her friends were less decorous, freely chuckling at the sight before them.

"Go, Peace!" crowed Cure Sunny, bursting from her spot in the Precure's line to latch onto the shorter blonde girl.

"You rock!" March cried, pumping a fist in the air.

"Your pictures are always so pretty!" Happy gushed, and Candy squealed on her shoulder in agreement.

Peace beamed, equal parts modest and pleased with her victory.

They stood in a yellow castle, whose proportions were suitably exaggerated to fit the rest of the theme park. Naturally, any game that involved painting had been a guaranteed victory for Cure Peace, the artist of their team. Although Peace did not like people seeing her artwork under normal circumstances, finding herself trapped in an alternate dimension with her freedom in danger had certainly helped the self-conscious da Vinci to give it her best while her friends cheered from the sidelines.

As Reika drew near to congratulate their champion, she glanced at the two easels, and her smile broadened.

Wolfrun had done the one on the left, which was not entirely inaccurate. He had certainly captured Majorina's bulbous eyes, which were yellow as if the witch had jaundice; he had also remembered to include her prominent cheekbones, her hooked nose, her cracked lips, and her limited amount of teeth. However, Reika questioned his reasoning in painting his model with snot dripping from one nostril and her tongue sticking out in a ridiculous expression.

Peace's painting might not have looked anything like Majorina, but she had certainly outdone herself. The face smiling back at the Precure looked as warm and as affectionate as a grandmother. Milk-green hair peeked out from beneath a forest-green hood, giving a feminine character to the wide, smooth forehead. The yellow eyes gazed out with soft kindness, and Peace had enlarged the black irises in an engaging way. The nose was still rather large but looked noble and less hawkish. The trace amount of wrinkles had been expertly placed and did not draw too much attention to themselves, and a red mouth stretched in a content smile.

"Brilliant work, Peace!" Reika complimented, pressing her palms together.

"Thanks, Beauty. _Min-na_," murmured Peace, dropping her eyes to stare at the yellow toes of her white boots. She laid her paintbrush and wooden palette on her abandoned stool.

"We only have to do this a little longer, and we'll be out of here!" cried Happy, bouncing on her pink high heels.

"You're just vain!" Wolfrun shouted, drawing the Precure's attention. "D'you want to trap the Precure in this dumb park, or are you gonna make friends with them?"

"Stupid mutt! You're a disgrace to wolves everywhere!" Majorina spun away from him. "Just move onto the next game!" she commanded, addressing no one in particular.

In a flash of mute-green light, Majorina teleported away, and Wolfrun followed suit. With the painting game completed, the building around the Precure disappeared, revealing the remaining obstacles of Majorina's amusement park, or the "Sucked-Into-Playing-Games" as she called it. The next section of the serpent-like staircase appeared in the round hill, cutting its way past cartoonish cacti and palm trees. Stars had consistently hung in the sky between thick white clouds all day despite the rich blue of the artificial sky, and yet Reika could see that the starry dome had become a little more purplish as sunset approached. A large Ferris wheel mounted the crest above the remaining structures, and a large clock sat in its center, boasting that it was a little past 5:30 pm. Less than a mere hour remained of the precious time the girls had to complete all the challenges ahead of them, or they'd be trapped forever inside the die's world.

Fortunately, Reika noted, there seemed to be two obstacles left before the Ferris wheel. As all the games had been one-on-one matches against the generals, this meant it would be Reika's duty to take the last trial, whatever it may be.

Wasting no time, the Precure hurried up the steep staircase with Cure March in the lead. As the others sprinted ahead of them, Reika fell into step beside Cure Peace.

"That really was a true stroke of genius, Peace," Reika told her. "I wouldn't have thought of it."

"Really, Beauty?" Peace gave a flattered smile.

"I probably would have just painted her as I saw her, only not quite as Wolfrun did," Reika returned.

"At first I was just going to make it look realistic," Peace said between pants. "But I started thinking about when Majorina was trying to make us believe the school was haunted. Remember how she made herself look young?"

Reika nodded, recalling what happened mere days ago when their class had assembled for a meeting before school officially resumed for the autumn. The Precure had decided to spend the afternoon investigating the ghost stories associated with the building as a test of courage for Miyuki and Nao. Majorina had attacked the girls, and for a brief time she had altered her appearance to a tall, thin woman with a lovely face and an hourglass figure, a stark contrast to the shrimpy, gnarly crone who had only a meager collection of teeth remaining.

"She was so happy when I said she looked beautiful," Peace continued. "So, I thought if I made her portrait look beautiful, she'd give me the win. And I was right!" She clapped her hands happily.

Reika raised her eyes to gaze at the sidereal dots in the slowly changing sky. "Yes, that does make sense," she mused. "How fortunate we are you complimented her that day. Otherwise, you mightn't have thought to appeal to her vanity."

"I know, right?" chirruped Peace, beaming as bright as her lightning attack.

They entered a deceptively adorable red castle with three pointed towers, where Akaoni was waiting for them in a square room at a blue ping-pong table. March stepped forward to face him, and the two took their positions. March selected the appropriately green paddle while the oni took the red one.

Reika cheered March on with the rest of the Precure. The tiny ball zipped back and forth across the table, clacking which each swing of the players. Reika did her best to pay attention, having full confidence in her childhood friend's ability to succeed at any sport to which she committed herself. Yet, although the ball increased in speed, and although the grunts of the two opponents grew more frustrated, Reika found her mind slipping back to Peace's battle strategy.

She had once borrowed a book from her older brother which had been about winning friends and influencing people. The author had emphasized how every person wanted to feel important. Criminals saw themselves as heroes. Teenagers did silly or violent things to earn the respect of their companions or to get their names in the newspaper. Housewives left their homes if they felt unappreciated. Writers and artists created more masterpieces in response to genuine praise. People entered toxic relationships because their abusers made them feel loved at the beginning of the ill-fated romances. The author maintained that to win the good favor of someone, one must play to the universal need to feel special: not in a manipulative way, but to influence them for the better.

_I suppose that's true even of the Bad End monsters_, Reika reflected, touching her chin.

"GOAL!" cried Sunny, breaking into Reika's thoughts.

Reika's head snapped up to see the ping-pong ball slap against the blue wall behind Akaoni, and the mountainous demon let out a cry of dismay.

March jumped into the air, causing her tail-like green hair to bounce. "I win! Whoo-hoo!"

Reika quickly clapped with the rest of her friends.

"Lucky shot!" Akaoni snapped at her, and he became a blur of red light as he teleported out of sight.

The red castle melted away, and the beginning chirps of crickets filled the air. The path opened up to the next mound on the giant hill. A desert-like mass of sand which resembled paint covered the ground. A palm tree and a giant barrel cactus with a pale-yellow blossom overlooked one side of the stairs. At the very top of the path, a curious building came into view: a pink snail with a swirled purple shell. What looked like a yellow mushroom sat on the shell.

_What ever could be inside there?_ Reika wondered, but she quickened her climb. Now, she had to perform and to battle, and she couldn't lose heart now. The sky had turned yet another shade darker while March had played ping pong.

Majorina stood beside the door at the base of the purple shell. Her cracked lips had regained their sinister smile. As the Precure came to a stop around her in a semicircle, Majorina gestured to the snail.

"The next game," she said, "will be _Old Maid_. Who will play against me?"

For a moment, Reika was taken aback at the choice, but she reminded herself it could be a smokescreen for something sinister. She took one step forward.

"I shall," she said, determined.

Sunny held up a hand, incredulous. "Wait, _Old Maid_? That game little kids play? That's kinda a let-down after giant Whack-A-Mole and rocket go-karts."

"My younger siblings only play that when they have nothing else to do," said March, quirking a green eyebrow.

Majorina rounded on them both. "It's a perfectly legitimate game!" she hollered at them, and flecks of spit sprayed from her wide mouth. "It takes a real genius to appreciate it!"

With that, she thrust a sharp finger toward Reika. "Cure Beauty will go in now," she ordered. "The rest of the Precure must wait outside."

A shared protest arose among the girls and Candy.

"No way!"

"Out of the question!"

"We're a team!"

Majorina smirked at them. "Rules are rules."

"If you cared about rules, you wouldn't be cheating at every turn," retorted March.

"The more you argue with me, the more time you waste," Majorina snickered. "Six-thirty isn't that far off." She motioned toward the clock on the massive Ferris wheel.

She was right, and they all knew it.

Reika squared her shoulders. "No matter where I am," she said quietly, "our feelings are always one. I know my friends will always be cheering me on, even when I can't see them."

Happy smiled. "Of course, Beauty."

The others agreed.

Reika smiled at her friends and turned to Majorina. "Let us go then," she said, and she followed the witch inside without a backwards glance.

* * *

Reika had watched a foreign film with her brother Junnosuke the previous year, and one scene had taken place in a casino. She thought this room looked like a miniature version of that. Thick gilded pillars stood between sand-colored walls, all of which sparkled under the light of elegant chandeliers. Decorative ferns dotted the red carpet, and a curtain had been drawn to one side of a doorway which seemed to lead into a dining area. Instead of slot machines and roulette stations, a single wooden table with a green top sat in the middle, and two golden-brown armchairs rested on either side.

As Reika took this all in, Majorina trotted to the curtained door and vanished. The sound of pouring liquid gurgled in the other room, and she returned with a single cup, sipping with a smug look.

Reika remembered then she hadn't had anything to drink since breakfast, and she swallowed, now noticing her dry throat. No doubt Majorina knew this, but the witch made no move to offer her anything. Not that Reika would touch anything she would give her.

She advanced to the table, ignoring her thirst. She reached to pull out her chair, but, thinking better of it, she scanned her surroundings. After everything the generals had already done to cheat, she wouldn't be surprised if Majorina had positioned some hidden mirrors or had an Akanbe waiting who would tell her what was in Reika's hand.

Majorina let out a high snicker around her cup. "Oh, don't bother. I don't even need to cheat. I know you don't have what it takes to play _Old_ _Maid_, Cure Beauty."

"Elementary-school children play it all the time," Reika pointed out. "Why should it be difficult?"

Majorina's yellow eyes glimmered like the lantern on an anglerfish. "Because," she said, swirling her cup, "the Precure show up in my crystal ball sometimes, and I've seen you try to lie. Whenever that little fairy talks in front of humans, you girls always get the same stupid expression on your faces and start to sweat."

Reika grimaced slightly, but she narrowed her eyes and tried to speak in a calm voice. "Do not underestimate me just yet."

Majorina let out another laugh, pointing to Reika's attempt at a stoic face. "See what I mean? You're far too honest for your own good, and that's why you're going to be stuck in this world forever. Now, sit!" she commanded, still snickering.

Reika stiffly complied, smoothing down her frilly blue skirt to sink into her armchair. Her heart bucked against her rib cage, but she arranged her spiky, ice-blue hair with as much nonchalance as she could muster. For added measure, she straightened the ornamental bow on her chest and adjusted the blue bands on her white bracers. Then she closed her eyes, trying to think.

She searched her memory for all the times she used to play _Old Maid_ as a child — rainy days at Nao's house, quiet afternoons with her late grandmother, passing the time on the Shinkansen with Junnosuke when their family visited relatives. What had she done to win?

She pictured her brother turned in his train seat to face her, his blue eyes calm behind his glasses, his smile betraying nothing. What had he said to her?

"If you can learn to approach _Old Maid_ the way you approach games at the Summer Festival with Grandfather, you'd have the best poker face on the planet, Reika," she could hear him laughing.

That's right. He used to tease her about the serious expression she wore whenever she played the _yo-yo tsuri_ game or scooped goldfish, but he also complimented her on how much she always managed to win. For Reika, even as a child she saw those games as committing to a set path — both the Path of _Yo-yo Tsuri_ and the Path of _Kingyo-sukui_ required focus, calmness, a keen eye, and calculated timing.

Perhaps the Path of _Old Maid_ required the same qualities.

_I can do this_, she told herself. _I can do this. I SHALL do this._

Majorina went back to the other room to replenish her drink. Once she had downed it in a few gulps, she tossed the cup over her shoulder, where it bounced against the carpet. Reika watched her in silence and tried to gauge her opponent as she sauntered toward the table. Majorina had been the first enemy Reika had ever faced; the witch had barged into the annual Fairy Tale Read Aloud and had drained Bad Energy from Reika and an audience of elementary-school students. Majorina had conjured a Mirror Akanbe which had created clones of itself and had almost defeated the existing four Precure through that strategic ploy. If Reika hadn't been roused from the spell of the Bad End Space and taken on the role of Cure Beauty, that day could have ended much differently for all present.

_Even on that day, Majorina preferred more artful tactics than which Wolfrun or Akaoni use_, Reika contemplated. _And I'm here right now because she created the magical die which houses this dimension. She clearly has a technical acumen combined with a magical perspicacity. So, how does knowing this help me win?_

Once Majorina had settled herself in her own armchair, she fished out a deck with purple backs bordered by green. She fanned out the cards, thumbing through them until she found the one she wanted. She yanked it out and tossed it to the side where it laid on the floor.

Reika's insides jumped when she saw the face.

One of the twin Joker cards.

As the witch shuffled the deck, Reika tried to focus on Majorina's sharp, tiny hands for any signs of cheating, but her gaze flicked more than once to the discarded jester silhouette on the carpet. It looked almost like… Actually, it looked _exactly_ like…

She swallowed a little as she recalled the first week of July — was it only such a short time ago? — when a brightly colored young man had tormented the girls. Joker had kidnapped Candy, had stolen the Décor Décor from the Precure, and had tried to bring about the end of existence by helping Emperor Pierrot unleash eternal despair. Reika hadn't seen him since their fight in the Bad End Kingdom. For weeks, whenever one of the generals had appeared to torment the Precure, Reika had privately scanned the surrounding area for any hint of the dangerous jester arriving to provide backup. Fortunately, he never appeared, but Reika had started to wonder if she had inadvertently killed him when she had blasted him with her supercharged Beauty Blizzard.

And a cold, sinking feeling always filled her at that thought.

She adjusted her grip on her cards, glancing up at Majorina. "Is… Is Joker anywhere about?"

Majorina scoffed. "Him? Fah! The wolf and the demon are more useful than that teenager. Good-for-nothing buffoon."

Reika studied her. Majorina did not seem to be trying to lure her into a false sense of security by downplaying a cohort's importance, but surely Majorina could not expect her to believe Joker was useless. He had done more damage to the Precure in the twenty-four hours he had been in their lives than the other three had done over the past year.

"Isn't he on your side?" Reika asked carefully.

"He's just Pierrot-sama's errand boy," Majorina sniffed, tossing her head slightly. "He doesn't even help us gather Bad Energy. Lazy thing."

"He didn't strike me as such," Reika replied automatically before she realized she had just said something indirectly positive about Joker.

"Hmph!" Majorina narrowed her bulging eyes. "Game begins now, Cure Beauty."

Once Majorina dealt the cards, they both sorted for pairs and laid them on the table, which took a little time since the entire deck had been divided between two players. Reika soon found herself with seven red cards and four black cards. And right in the middle of her hand sat the other Joker card.

Reika swallowed. If one didn't know better, one might think the blade-thin silhouette was a simple, normal, funny-looking jester with a Fool's cap with three points, an asymmetrical belt, and shoes with curled toes. One might also think that, since the figure held up one arm as if waving, the jester was an amiable and good-natured fellow. But Reika knew the hat was actually his real hair and coiffed into colorful peaks, each a different color. And she could see the inhuman half-mask with its strange black eyes, and in her memory the visible part of the sharp, youthful face wore a cruel smirk with teeth as sharp as knives. And she could hear his taunting laugh when he had kidnapped Candy — and when he had collected Bad Energy from the Precure — and when he had licked Reika's hair right before he had kicked her across a volcanic crater as if she were no more than a soccer ball to him.

The hairs on her neck rose, and for a moment she wondered if it were possible for Joker to spring out of the playing card to attack her. However, she silenced her fears and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes, retreating to the analytical side of her mind. She had a job to do, and both her fate and the fate of her friends rested on this game. She could not allow Joker hurt her when he was not even present.

_Since there are only two of us, Majorina has the same types of cards I do. My Queen of Diamonds means she has the Queen of Hearts and so on. The only difference is I have the Joker, and she knows this_.

As there were only two of them, any card Reika picked from Majorina would make a pair and vice versa, so it would be a relatively short game. Furthermore, as Reika held the Joker for the present, she could safely pluck any of Majorina's cards until the Joker changed hands.

But could she get Majorina to take the Joker?

"Since I make the rules, I go first," said her opponent, cutting into Reika's thoughts. Majorina flexed her boney fingers as she studied the cards in Reika's hand.

Reika set her face into an emotionless expression; however, as she watched Majorina's hand slide side-to-side over her cards, she noticed how long and sharp the witch's purple fingernails were. All of the generals had similar claw-like nails, but where they looked natural on Wolfrun or Akaoni, Majorina's humanoid features made them more noticeable. And they reminded Reika of the sharp, black nails that had been on Joker's hands.

As if drawn by a cursed magnet, Reika glanced again at the Joker card. And she once again imagined the jester jumping out of the silhouette to strangle her. And before she could stop it, her eyelids twitched in a slight wince.

"Heh!" Majorina's hand swung to the far right and safely plucked the Ten of Clubs from Reika's fingers. She dropped it with its mate on the table and leaned back, eyeing Reika with triumph. "What did I tell you? You can't lie to save your life — literally!"

Eleven cards in Reika's hand now.

She gritted her teeth, shutting her eyes yet again. Fear trickled into her bones, colder than one of her own blizzards. But she couldn't let herself succumb to it.

"So, where would you and the other Precure like to live inside this die?" Majorina cackled. "I don't have any buidlings set up with beds, but I'm sure you girls could sleep out in that sunflower field. Lots of bugs, heh heh heh."

_Poor March_, Reika thought, and she had a sudden image of her terrified friend sprinting through the flower fields, screaming at the top of her lungs. But she refused to let herself entertain that idea any further. She had to focus. Focus. Like at _yo-yo tsuri_. Like at scooping goldfish. Like at one of her _kyuudou_ tournaments at school.

She blindly closed the fan of cards, shuffling them. Then she opened her eyes and took the card on Majorina's left and laid down two red Fours — and she couldn't help seeing the Joker was on her left.

Ten cards in Reika's hand now.

"Now, which should I pick? Which should I pick?" Majorina taunted, rubbing her chin.

Reika met her yellow eyes, refusing to glance at her own cards. If she didn't look, Majorina couldn't discern the Joker's position.

_So, if I win or lose, it'll all just be luck?_ a small voice said inside her, causing her heart to sink. _Whether I see my family again or not all rests on happenstance?_

"_Dore ni shiyou kana_," Majorina hummed viciously, pointing at each card with deliberate movements. She clearly wanted to draw out Reika's torment and stretch her nerves until they were taut. And she was succeeding at it, if Reika was honest.

_But what if she's distracted?_

It was a quiet thought, but something flickered to life inside Reika like a tiny flame on a match. The Precure had found clever ways to combat the generals' cheating thus far: when Wolfrun had sicced a shark on Reika during their swimming competition, Reika had frozen the pool and skated across. Perhaps there was a way to give her the advantage now, so Majorina wouldn't focus too much on trying to read Reika for a tell.

Majorina wanted to be beautiful, so she gave Peace a victory. Ergo, Majorina wanted to feel important. Reika just had to appeal to that need for validation.

She cleared her throat. "Majorina?"

The witch paused in her song, and her smirk widened. "Yes, Cure Beauty?"

"You've created a lot of inventions this past year, haven't you?"

She nodded. "Yes. What of it?"

"I just wanted to… to say I'm rather impressed," she said.

Majorina lifted her head, narrowing her eyes. "Huh?"

Reika gestured to the bright room, with its decorative plants, gilded pillars, and the elegant curtain in the nearby doorway. "You actually created this whole world yourself? This is all from your own imagination? It is, indeed, uncategorically amazing."

_It might be used for evil, but it's still amazing_, she added to herself. It behooved her to be honest right now.

Majorina blinked at Reika, scanning her face as if expecting a trick. Slowly, a small smile appeared on her cracked lips. "Well, clearly, you're smart enough to recognize talent, Cure Beauty," she chuckled, less malicious than before.

"And you've made all those other inventions too," she pointed out. "The rings which made Candy and Miyuki-san switch bodies. The hammer that made us small. The Become Boring collars you used on FUJIWARA-san. The camera that made things invisible. How ever did you come up with those ideas?"

Majorina puffed out her thin chest, rubbing her chin. "Genius. Pure genius," she bragged, closing her eyes with pride. She wasn't paying attention to the cards now.

_Keep going_, Reika urged herself.

"And you've put quite an amount of detail into this amusement park," she continued. "The sunflowers at the bottom of the hill, the bowling alley in the ball-shaped building, the Green Nose Akanbe everywhere. Did you personally plot each section?"

"All by myself!" Majorina declared. She reached for the card second from the center and retrieved Reika's Ace of Diamonds.

Nine cards in Reika's hand now.

"When did you first start inventing?" she asked. She picked Majorina's center card and put the red Kings out of play.

Eight cards in Reika's hand now.

"Oh, I can't remember," Majorina said, tossing her head side to side so the stocking point of her green hood swayed like a snake. "I've always seemed to be inventing something. I remember looking at the other witches in fairy tales and thinking to myself, 'I can do better than that.' Better schemes, better potions, better creations. Witches are always beaten in stories because they did something stupid to let the hero win, but I'm not stupid," she said firmly. "That's just lousy storytelling."

"Of course," said Reika gently. "Anyone who could create a whole world must have a high I.Q. indeed."

"You bet your blue hair I do!" cried Majorina, looking quite pleased with herself.

But, to Reika's surprise, her expression changed, and she lowered her eyes. "Well, I can't take complete credit, can I?" she murmured. "This spell is based on what Pierrot-sama taught me. I just added a few tweaks. His illusions are more profound than anything I can dream up."

"Oh, really?"

She nodded. A gleam appeared on her haggard face. "Imagine what you've seen those little Cure Decors do," she said. "The giant fruit, the little animals appearing, the power to alter the appearances of objects, the costumes. That's the Queen's magic. But now multiple that power by a thousand, and you got Pierrot-sama's magic.

"I got to see his full glory once," she added, fiddling with her cards with a shy smile. "Just a glimpse, you know. When I first started serving him. But I'll never forget it." She closed her eyes. "A true world of comfort."

Reika stared at her. She had never seen such affection or peace on Majorina's face. "Comfort?" she repeated.

Majorina nodded. "Only Pierrot-sama could dream up such majesty," she croaked with veneration. "My magic wouldn't be what it is today without his influence. He knows so much, and he shares it with me so I can serve him better."

"That's… That's nice of him," Reika said carefully.

"More than I can express," replied Majorina. Then a small smirk appeared, but it was playful. "He gave Wolfrun and Akaoni their powers too, something I'd never do without good reason. Only Pierrot-sama could show them such mercy."

"He gave all of you powers?" Reika asked, taken aback. Her thumb shifted against her cards. "Even Joker?"

Majorina shrugged, disinterested. "I don't know. Probably. Only Pierrot-sama can tolerate him." She took the Two of Diamonds from Reika.

Seven cards in Reika's hand now. And her strategy seemed to be working.

And yet… she found herself growing more interested in what Majorina had to share.

Encouraged by the amelioration of an otherwise dreadful situation, Reika asked, "And your youth spell—'Majorina Time,' I believe you called it— the emperor taught you that as well?"

"You'd better believe it." She gripped her wrinkled chin, looking quite satisfied. "Pretty hot stuff, wasn't I? Pierrot-sama says in the future world of comfort, he'll give me my choice of husbands."

Reika's eyes widened. "Really?" she asked before she realized she gaped at Majorina like a fish. She quickly switched to a more deferential gaze. "That's certainly sounds like good fortune."

"He's a good master to me," the witch replied proudly.

Reika fiddled with her cards, not quite sure how she ought to respond. _Everyone feels lonely at times_, she reminded herself.

"Is anyone else in your family an inventor?" she tried next.

However, Majorina's face twisted into a scowl. "Feh! I'm not on speaking terms with any of those insects," she growled. Her eyes shot to Reika's. "Word of advice, Cure Beauty, once you move out of your parents' house, never look back. It's not worth it."

Reika shook her head. "I couldn't do that. I love my family."

"For now, you do," Majorina sniffed. "But all families fall apart sooner or later. Take what yours while you can and cut your losses."

Reika frowned. "I don't believe that," she said firmly. "I don't know where I'd be without my grandfather guiding me to seek the Path. Or my mother teaching me how to behave, or my father working hard to provide for me. I couldn't imagine myself being an only child because my brother has influenced my life in his own unique way."

The yellow eyes hardened. "And now the fourteen-year-old schoolgirl is going to preach to a woman with experience," she leered. "It's easy for you to talk with your three-generational household, but have you ever _known_ anyone who has come from a horrible home?"

The rising indignation within Reika plummeted to her heels. She averted her gaze. "I — I don't believe I have. To the best of my knowledge."

Majorina leaned forward in her seat. "Then try leaving your ivory tower once in a while before you pass judgement, little girl."

Reika lowered her head, mentally chiding herself. Naturally, not all families were the same, and not everyone enjoyed the opportunity to be loved and guided by a wonderful grandfather or a diligent father or a nurturing mother or even an exceptional older brother. While Reika had spoken from her honest feelings, even she could understand how someone might have issue with her black-and-white declarations if they had known less joys their whole life.

"You're right," she said at last. "I'm sorry."

"You should be." Majorina flicked a finger toward her. "It's your turn, Cure Beauty."

"Y-Yes," answered Reika. She withdrew the Queen of Hearts.

Six cards in her hand now.

Reika shuffled them without looking and closed her eyes, holding the cards up to Majorina.

"Now, which one? Which one?" Majorina mumbled, but she sounded more jaded than before.

Reika kept her countenance calm even though there was no need for a stone face now. Either Majorina would pick the Joker, or she would not.

It wasn't a particularly satisfying thought. And the silence that had fallen over them didn't make Reika feel better.

She wanted to ask Majorina another question, but she doubted the witch would open up to her so readily now that Reika had accidentally reopened an old wound. But perhaps there were other topics to get her talking. If Majorina didn't have many happy moments to share, perhaps Reika could get her to talk about something she loved to hate.

An idea struck her.

"Majorina?"

"Hmm?"

She opened one eye. "What fairy tale is Joker from?" she asked innocently. "I don't remember any stories with a jester for a villain."

Majorina huffed. "That's because he isn't from one. From what I heard, his parents were two dumb clowns that lived long enough to mate before they got themselves eaten."

Reika straightened in her seat. "Eaten?" she cried, aghast.

"A common occurrence among weaklings," Majorina returned with disinterest. "Only the strongest survive in the Bad End Kingdom. Why do you think I'm still alive?" she added with a dark snicker.

"But — eaten?" she repeated, covering her mouth. A shudder ran through her, and she tried to dispel the visions of a tiny jester boy watching in horror as vicious creatures attacked his family. "How old was he?"

"How should I know?" Majorina snapped. She raised her eyes from her cards and squinted at Reika. "That's the third time you've brought up that dolt. Why so interested in him?"

Reika shook herself slightly. "I wouldn't put it past you three to have some nasty trick waiting," she said carefully, "and Joker would be a useful ally."

Majorina snorted. "Joker? You think I'd let that boy anywhere near my inventions? Ha!"

"He seems cunning to me."

"He's useless," Majorina insisted. "He's always off doing his own thing, only popping in to deliver us some message from Pierrot-sama. He doesn't even help us collect Bad Energy, and I have no idea what he's doing to revive Pierrot-sama. He probably thinks twiddling his thumbs and building houses of cards will help." Her hand hovered over the Joker card and slid to the left, almost tapping the Five of Spades. "On top of that, the boy is just weird. I can never trust anyone who grins that much in the Bad End Kingdom."

"You don't?"

"Would you?" Majorina returned flatly, quirking an eyebrow.

Reika thought a moment, remembering the unsettling world where Majorina and Joker lived. Just stepping foot on the soil of that dark place, with a red full moon in the sky and a looming black castle with demonic red eyes on its gatehouse, had filled Reika with dread. Maybe someone like Miyuki could make herself smile in an attempt to keep on the Path to Ultra Happiness. But Joker?

_But I really don't know him, do I?_ she considered. _And I really don't know Majorina or Wolfrun or Akaoni_.

They may have been proud to be wicked people doing wicked things, and yet… she really didn't know what sort of path they had trekked which had turned them into what they were. If her own family had been like the one Majorina escaped — or if she had seen her loved ones attacked by monsters — how might she have turned out?

At last she shifted in her seat and said, formally, "As I've only fought him a handful of times, I am unable to pass judgement at the present."

Majorina straightened. "Hold on. He fought _you_?" she demanded. "When?"

"Well, individually, I only fought him at the Bad End Kingdom," she admitted.

The witch snarled. "Back in July?"

Reika nodded. "Yes, didn't you know?"

Majorina glowered. "I knew he was somewhere nearby when I was busy fighting Cure March, but he never told us he fought someone," she said. She looked Reika up and down. "And you won?"

"Clearly."

Majorina slammed her fist against the table, causing the discard pile to slide about. "Then the next time he says Pierrot-sama is mad at us for not defeating the Precure, I'm going to spit in his eye! Or whatever he has behind that mask." Her jaw visibly clenched. "About time someone put that clown in his place — actually, scratch that. He's not a clown. That's an insult to Pierrot-sama!" she declared hotly.

Still grumbling, she reached for Reika's cards. Reika quickly closed her eyes, and Majorina yanked one card from her fingers.

Almost immediately, a screech tore from the witch's throat, echoing across the wide room.

Reika tried not to smile, but relief washed over her, dispelling the knot in her stomach. She opened her eyes to see Majorina jamming the Joker card into the rest of her hand. She shuffled her cards.

"No more talking from now on!" Majorina declared, baring her gums in a leer which would have been menacing if she possessed more teeth.

Five cards now in Reika's hand.

Then four. Then three.

Soon, Reika held only the King of Clubs.

Majorina glared at her, giving her no quarter. She held up the two remaining cards in her grasp. "If you lose, Cure Beauty, then you have to repeat this game all over," she growled, "and you will run out of time to send yourself and your friends home."

Reika bit her lip. What time was it now? This sky outside had started to take on the colors of sunset when she had stepped into this room, so 6:30 could not be far away.

And what would her parents think if she did not come home that night? How soon before they would try to call the police? How many nights would her mother sit up, wondering where Reika could be? Her father? Her grandfather? Her brother?

She glanced between the two cards. She reached out her hand, considering the right one. Her fingers stretched for it, but she abruptly stopped.

Had Majorina's lips twitch upward in a smirk? Or was that just a grimace?

Reika moved to the left, which seemed much more promising — and halted again. Had Majorina's eyes glittered with triumph? Or was her mind playing tricks on her?

She faltered, lowering her hand. Everything came down to 50-50 odds, a choice of chance. But if she didn't pick now, she'd run out of time, and she would doom her friends along with herself.

And why was she here?

Majorina.

And why was Majorina doing this?

Reika didn't know — except Majorina was loyal to Emperor Pierrot, who had always been kind to her. And whatever kindness Emperor Pierrot gave to Majorina was better than what even Majorina's own family had given to her.

Reika took a deep breath. "Majorina?"

"I said no talking," the witch snapped.

Reika merely gave her a gentle smile. "I just wanted to say one thing," she replied quietly. "Whether I pass this level or not, whether I'm stuck in this world or go back to mine, you should know that you are one of the smartest people I've ever met."

Majorina blinked, taken aback, before she lowered her head. "Well, I knew _that_ already, little girl," she muttered, but she sounded a little pleased. "Comes with being a genius."

Reika nodded. "I've always admired artists, such as architects or painters, and you clearly have a fecundity of creativity," she said. "I wish I could be as artistic as you someday."

Majorina did not reply. She stared at her cards, her eyelids lowered. Reika could not see which one she gazed at.

Then — very slowly — Majorina's thumb shifted against the left card. Just enough to make it sink a little lower than the other. Barely a centimeter. Hardly noticeable.

Reika tried not to let herself react.

Had Majorina lowered the King of Spades so that Reika would subconsciously reach for the higher card and take the Joker?

Or — strange as it would have been to think before the portrait game but not so much now — had she lowered the Joker so that Reika would not pluck it from her hand?

Reika glanced from the witch's stone face to the two waiting cards. She felt as if she had found herself in a Lady or Tiger situation. One meant eternal entrapment; one meant freedom.

So, which was which?

With more calmness than she felt, Reika took a chance and picked a card.

* * *

"What a complete waste of time," groaned Wolfrun as the three flew into their old-fashioned abode, which sat nested on the narrow karst on the lake. "I need a nap."

"You said it," agreed Akaoni, his shoulders slumping after all the physical activities in which he had lost. "And that Ferris wheel game was a joke."

"It worked on most of them!" Majorina snapped, clasping her hands behind her. "It's not my fault Cure Beauty does her homework."

It would have worked. It _had_ worked. Happy, March, Sunny and Peace had become shells filled only with despair after seeing the illusions of the Super Akanbe Ferris wheel. With school starting the next day, the Precure had little time left to complete their summer assignments. But Cure Beauty had strode out of the ride, unaffected. She managed to rouse her friends with promises of assistance, and hope had returned, allowing the girls to win the final game and escape the die.

_I underestimated her this time, but am I surprised that someone who could acknowledge my genius would be an excellent student?_

Not in the slightest.

Aloud, she addressed the two men, "If you meatheads would stay out of my workshop and not lose my inventions all the time, I could've had more time to plan some nasty surprises before I unleashed the Sucked-Into-Playing-Games on the Precure."

Akaoni grunted a sound of discomfort, but Wolfrun snorted at her.

"But they'd still be trapped in that world right now if _you_ hadn't let Cure Peace win the portrait game."

Majorina glared at him over her shoulder. "Don't start that again. I still got plenty of experiments to test, and I can easily make you my new guinea pig."

"Just try it! You won't be the first witch I've ever eaten," he snapped, but a clear wince crinkled his long snout.

Before Majorina could throw back her rebuttal, a flutter of playing cards erupted ahead of them in the dark passage, and the stick-like figure of a jester with too much hair dye blocked their path.

Wolfrun sneered at him. "Oh, it's just Joker."

Normally, Joker smiled and bobbed his garish head in subservient bows, but ever since Emperor Pierrot had been defeated by the Precure, he had been less energetic when he appeared to the generals. That suited Majorina's tastes just fine, as she never trusted anyone who could be so cheerful, but she also didn't much care for the disapproving look Joker gave them now.

"Welcome home, _Minna-san_," he said with dry formality. Instead of a bow, he kept his scrawny arms folded over his equally scrawny chest. "Have a productive day?"

"What's it to you?" Akaoni sniffed at him.

Joker smirked slightly. "Emperor Pierrot wanted me to check up on you for a status report," he said.

Majorina stiffened at her master's name, and she heard Wolfrun and Akaoni do the same. For a second, none of them spoke, but then Wolfrun uttered a scoff. He spun on his heel toward the nearest doorway.

"Talk to the crone," he said evasively, not quite looking at the shorter man. "We would've beaten the Precure today if she hadn't messed everything up. I'm going to bed."

"Me, too," grumbled Akaoni quickly, shoving his way past Joker with a greater urgency than usual.

With the two men gone, Joker twisted his skinny body to face his remaining companion. "Well, Majorina-san?" he said, his smile tightening. "What progress have you made in fighting the Precure today? How much Bad Energy did you collect for Pierrot-sama?"

Majorina clenched her fists. "Maybe some. Maybe none."

"Such a colorful bouquet of words you offer for our master! I'm sure it'll bring him great comfort in his prison," he said. "Did you use a Super Akanbe at all?"

"It's possible I did," she replied.

Joker planted his hands on his hips, leaning over her. "Did it defeat the Precure, or did those brats get two new Cure Décors from you?" he asked.

Majorina twitched her jaw, and her gums tapped together.

Joker tutted his tongue. "Just as I thought. I shall have to tell Pierrot-sama. He won't be too pleased."

Majorina's heart jolted inside her, but she raised her head to meet the youth's empty eyes. She realized more fully how much she had always disliked him, even when he had come to her old home in Märchenland as the emperor's envoy. And right then she knew just what she could say to him.

"Well, maybe I also can tell Pierrot-sama some things," she sniffed. "I'm sure he'd love to know what _you've_ been up to."

"What _I've_ been up to, Majorina-san?" He sounded amused. "Pierrot-sama knows everything about me. I hide nothing from him."

"Oh, really?" she challenged, folding her arms. "So, what did he say when you told him Cure Beauty single-handedly beat you?"

His mouth warped momentarily into a grimace, but a tight smile inched across his narrow face. "Pierrot-sama has been very patient with all of us," he said softly. "But his benevolence has its limits. Try not to press your luck too far."

However, his discomfort only awoke a surge of power within Majorina, and she dared to keep going. "Well, if you're so honest with the emperor, when you go to give him your report, be sure to mention Cure Beauty's deep, deep abiding interest in you."

The holes of his mask changed shape as if he were quirking an eyebrow. "Her interest in me?"

Majorina nodded, savoring the moment. "She was awfully intrigued by you today. Kept asking questions. She called you cunning, and she couldn't understand why any of us would dislike you."

"She — what?" Joker stared at her, his sharp smile melting into a stupefied look.

"I didn't think she talked to you often enough to care about your well-being," said Majorina, laying her sarcasm on thick. She touched her chin, pretending to think hard. "But if I remember correctly, back in the spring you gave me a tall stack of papers, all with data you personally collected on the Precure. Very thorough. But maybe it's not just the battles you've been observing this whole time."

Something like a flinch twitched across the white mask.

Her smirk broadened. "How _did_ Cure Beauty beat you, Joker? Did she honestly overpower such a strapping young man? Or did you let your sweetheart win?"

Slowly, the shock dissipated from the youthful face, and Joker's black eyes narrowed. "You should really watch what you say."

"And maybe Pierrot-sama would be interested in what I have to say, kiddo," she returned gleefully. "But I don't have to say anything, if I'm left alone. Completely alone."

She stepped around Joker. "I'll be in my workshop. I need time to make my next invention powerful enough to defeat the Precure. After all, I seek only to please my master in gratitude for his benevolence toward me. And _I_ actually collect Bad Energy, don't I?"

She did not look back, but the sound of falling cards told her Joker had left in a quiet huff.

_Thank you, Cure Beauty_, she chuckled inwardly. _I think you've given me what I need to keep that poor excuse for a clown in his place_.

Oh, she doubted the girl really gave two figs about Joker; Beauty had too much intelligence to spare that wart a second glance. However, Beauty's little slip would no doubt prove to be valuable to Majorina's schemes in the weeks to come. After all, the mere suggestion of disloyalty could cast seeds of doubt in the emperor's mind, something Joker would want to avoid.

She sauntered into her workshop, a dark room with filing cabinets, a tall bookshelf, a table, and a cold cauldron. She pulled out one of her many books on nasty things which made humans miserable, settled herself on her wooden bench, and flipped through the unpleasant illustrations for inspiration.

"Back to the drawing board," she muttered to herself. Really, if the boys would've left her things alone, she could've properly used her die the way she had envisioned.

"And it woulda worked," she vented aloud. "I put all that effort into it: it had to have worked. Even Cure Beauty thought it was stupendous."

Funny that the child would compliment it. Still, Majorina could tell Beauty hadn't lied. And that was a marvel onto itself. Only the emperor had ever given Majorina genuine praise for her inventions: Joker used to make sycophantic babblings, but those had died off in recent months. Wolfrun and Akaoni snuck into her workshop out of boredom and threw her inventions away, not realizing their potential. Yet Emperor Pierrot had lauded her even before he had redeemed her from being a worthless fairy, and so Majorina counted it a joy to make terrible devices to revive him.

Now, Cure Beauty had recognized Majorina's genius: the first Precure to defeat Majorina had complimented her when her own Bad End allies overlooked her.

_Shame a child with that much intelligence has to die_, she thought. Majorina stared at the page in front of her but found herself re-reading the same sentence over and over.

...But did Cure Beauty have to die?

Majorina touched her dry chin, mulling over that. Cure Beauty had seemed amazed to discover Emperor Pierrot had been an excellent master to Majorina. Perhaps if Majorina could demonstrate just how wonderful her king actually was, Cure Beauty could choose to come over to their side. Then she wouldn't have to be destroyed, and Emperor Pierrot could allow Cure Beauty to enter the world of comfort he had promised his generals.

Then, maybe, if Beauty proved herself a worthy ally, Majorina could teach her a few secrets of sorcery. After all, any witch worth her salt had an apprentice or two to boss around...

Majorina shook her head. "If you're going to entertain those sorts of sappy thoughts, you might as well pack up and move back to Märchenland," she scolded herself, flipping the page with a violent jerk.

Yet even as she searched for inspiration to inflict misery on the Precure, Majorina could not quite dismiss the idea altogether.

THE END

* * *

A/N:

I find it a little funny that Majorina managed to weaponize Jokarei, tbh. (Although I'd still watch her back if I were her.)

I like Majorina. The slow way she chases Candy to get her shrinking hammer back gets a chuckle out of me, and she has a number of other good moments in the series. So, it was nice to have an excuse to write with her. My thoughts on Majorina's characterization for this fic are as follows. A) In Ep. 11 (insect episode) she was pleased when the police officer liked her name. B) In Ep. 15 (Mother's Day episode), she gave Wolfrun one of her natto gyoza candies as a present and seemed genuinely hurt that he didn't appreciate her generosity when he didn't like the taste. C) Majorina's vanity regarding her youthful form and the portrait game in Eps. 28 and 29 respectively, as already mentioned. D) In Ep. 37 (election episode), she dreamed of teaching the students witchcraft. E) In Episode 39 (Cinderella episode), Wolfrun pointed out that the evil step-mother didn't try to marry the prince, but she shouted that she wanted to get married. Plus throw in the fact that she joined Pierrot's side because her own neighbors hated her, and it seems that even as a brainwashed minion, she still wanted friendship/validation even if she wouldn't admit it.

I actually played _Old Maid_ against myself to write this fic, haha. Even so, I took some artistic license regarding the screenshot/scene that inspired this fic. If you look closely at Majorina and Beauty's hands during their game, you can see a few animation errors. 1) Majorina is holding the Joker, but she has the wrong number of cards in her hand. 2) Beauty has a black 5 of Diamonds. 3) If you look to the right, she was clearly supposed to be holding an additional card, but the colorist painted it as her skin, which makes her hand look odd. So, artistic license.


End file.
